We generally don't do top 10 lists, or 7 steps to enlightenment style posts, cause they are dumb due to being overly one size fits all, not to mention being very clickbaity, but as we've now reached our mid-40's, are going to be focusing some outputs on the theme of "if we could talk to our younger self" cause those can be very helpful for younger adults. And to start this off, we'll speak of the quote which says "When you’re 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, and when you’re 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place" Ouch.
It's a triple-layered onion of disillusionment and is simultaneously frustrating and mostly accurate. Its sobering nature also encapsulates a profound and often humorous truth about human perception and self-awareness. It charts a journey through the anxieties of youth, the burgeoning confidence of middle age, and ultimately, a liberating realization about the relative insignificance of external validation. While presented as a simple progression through decades, it speaks to deeper psychological shifts and the evolving understanding of our place in the grand scheme of things.
The first stage, embodied by the 20-year-old, is characterized by a desperate need for acceptance. This period is often defined by navigating social hierarchies, conforming to trends, and seeking validation from peers, romantic partners, and even family. The desire to fit in is powerful, fueled by insecurities about identity and a yearning for belonging. Anti-Social media amplifies this pressure in the modern era, creating an environment where curated images and carefully crafted personas dominate. The fear of judgment is palpable, leading to self-censorship and a constant striving for external approval. It's a time of experimentation, but often constrained by the perceived gaze of others.
The transition to 40 marks a significant turning point. If one is evolving and maturing, then the relentless pursuit of external validation begins to wane, replaced by a growing sense of self-assuredness. Life experiences – career challenges, relationship complexities, perhaps even parenthood, which have chipped away at the fragility of youth. There's a growing recognition that chasing everyone else’s approval is exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling. This isn't necessarily egotism or arrogance, but rather a hard-earned understanding that true happiness comes from within. The focus shifts inward, towards personal goals and values, allowing for greater authenticity and a willingness to embrace individuality.
The third stage, the realization at 60 that "no one was ever thinking about you in the first place," is perhaps the most liberating. It's not a cynical observation, but rather an acceptance of reality. The anxieties that once consumed the younger self fade as the perspective widens. Your loving family and real close friends will still be thinking of you, through your whole life, and if you were an amazing parent, your children will be thinking of you, maybe often, even after you're gone. But we realize that the majority of people we have met in our lives - colleagues, acquaintances, fair weather friends, distant family we're not very close with, are largely preoccupied with their own lives, their own struggles and aspirations. The imagined audience scrutinizing our every move was largely a construct of our own insecurities. This realization isn't about dismissing the importance of relationships or social connection; rather, it’s about freeing ourselves from the burden of seeking validation that was never truly offered.
One of our favorite writers, Robert Anton Wilson, would have interpreted this quote as the soul shedding its successive skins: first, the caterpillar-butterfly stage (Performance Annoyance), then a brief moment of dry, non-ecstatic adult butterfly hood ("Not giving a quantum wobble!") before finally realizing it's the wind, not it itself, that was making those leaves rattle. Our fear of judgment is like a last-stage preoccupation before the soul migrates to an interdimensional realm where thoughts are the primary currency. He would have basically called this the “No-One’s Watching” principle, a cornerstone of Discordian philosophy. It's the realization that reality is fundamentally chaotic and unpredictable, and that our attempts to impose order are often futile. Embracing this external chaos, recognizing the inherent absurdity of existence, and doing what you can do on your own improvement and development inwardly, is a pathway to genuine freedom. So, let’s raise a glass – preferably something fermented and slightly hallucinogenic – to the cosmic joke. Let's celebrate the liberation that comes from realizing we’re all just elaborate holograms, projecting our anxieties outward when we should mainly fix what we personally can, which is right in front of us in our own lives.
Ultimately, this quote isn't a prescriptive roadmap for life; it’s an astute observation about the evolving nature of human perception. It highlights a journey from seeking external validation to finding internal peace, a process that may vary in pace and intensity for each individual. It’s a reminder to embrace our imperfections, prioritize authenticity over approval, and recognize that true freedom lies in shedding the weight of other people's opinions. As we navigate the complexities of life, this quote serves as a gentle nudge towards self-acceptance and a quiet affirmation that the most important audience we need to please is ourselves.